The Present of Perspective

Being Bestowed Best Man Honors, and Remembering Gifts We’re Given

Tonight I learned I’m going to be best man at my best friend’s wedding. It’s hard to think of a better way to start a weekend.

Being best man is one of those things that you sometimes think about but it never really consumes your thoughts directly. Well now I’m thinking about it! And I’ve noticed how special of a gift it really is.

A wave of feelings begin to cascade over you. First joy, excitement, and elation — and then later gratitude, responsibility, reverence.

Someone decided they want you firmly featured in one of the most important days of their life. That’s an honor that mustn’t be taken lightly.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I decided to stay up writing this as my way of accepting, acknowledging, and celebrating that responsibility. And doing it in a way that connects a few other experiences from this awesome day.

Connecting Compassion

Today I met someone raising their young nephew by themself, heard a story about a parent scavenging through medical care to give their child attention they needed, and watched a clip from Kevin Costner about how my childhood friend’s father had nothing and convinced Kevin to read a script of his — that script was Dancing with Wolves.

All of these began swirling together in my head late at night.

Most of the time we get sucked into frivolities that frankly don’t really matter. And without a grounding perspective we can get lost in the sauce. Stupid stuff can consume our thoughts.

Honestly, and at the risk of oversharing, I really felt for these different people I mentioned above. Each demonstrate a deep devotion to someone they care about, and it really hit me hard late at night. Part of this may have been influenced by the celebratory drinks with my best friend and his fiancé. But part of it was compassion and empathy pulling me out of a stupor.

At one point this week I was worried about hemming a T-shirt I has purchased, and in the face of these stories I feel a bit ashamed about it now. We always hear that perspective can shake you awake, but this was a pretty rattling moment in particular. Not just because of that shame, but also because it’s so easy to be blind to the battles other people endure to make the most of their (or their loved ones’) time here.

The Deck of Cards You’re Dealt

You might be reading this and be confused how it ties back to being happy about an upcoming wedding, but I think they’re actually closely related.

We often get presented with moments of real perspective, but we’re too ignorant or lack the reflection needed to recognize them. These stories, as well as the night of celebration, brought a renewed form of clarity that I didn’t know I needed.

One of my favorite sayings is Play the Deck of Cards You’re Dealt. You have no say in what your starting hand is, but you have every say in how you use them, and where you go from there.

I’m incredibly lucky and try to take time to appreciate that, but I still find these moments where I realize I’m not completely calibrated like I should be. Meeting people and spending time with them, as superfluous as it sounds, really is invaluable. We often feel tugged towards random commitments, desires, and compulsions — any countervailing forces are bound to be positively impactful, and I find that impact largely when I’m with other people.

We all received the gift of being here, and I’ve found life to be much more vibrant when you learn how to learn from other people. Sometimes they share stories, sometimes they teach you skills, and sometimes they give you perspective or even responsibility.

These moments today gave me a responsibility to embrace that perspective and continue being present with the people I’m spending time with. In some ways I imagine this will further reinforce my Words To Live By. More importantly, it will make me a better person too.

I offer all this humbly with the recognition that some of this may sound ridiculous. Hopefully you can still take something with you though.

I strive to be authentic and share what I truly think, and while it sometimes backfires, it’s also how I’ve been fortunate to build so many close friendships with people I love.

Two of them are getting married, and being gifted the honor and responsibility of best man is a clarifying form of perspective, and it’s the best present I could ask for.